You sir are the blind one!

As someone who is married to an individual who is blind and also has the privilege to know others with similar eye issues I have insights into human behaviour and prejudice some others might not.

Those who know me also know that I like to talk and swap stories and opinions with almost everyone I meet. My conversations are in depth and range from social to political conversations, one of my favorite topics is personal history. I have a strong belief that to know someone requires an intimate knowledge of how they grew up along with their personal life experiences. It was during one of these conversations with my wife that I learned a person of authority and power had stepped over the line.

Just like you and I and most of the people on the planet, she has dreams, hopes, aspirations and talents. Her blindness does not affect the fact that she too wants to succeed in life and contribute and be a part of the social community. After all doesn't everyone need and want a chance to be heard and considered as well as feeling valued and part of the whole?

It is to this fact that I wish to express my concern and disappointment. Inspired recently by a letter written by a concerned wife about the treatment of her husband, I felt compelled to bring this issue to light in order to change the perspectives of those who believe themselves superior or better than those around them. Peoples differences are what make life interesting and I applaud those with open minds when it comes to the acceptance of others and their short comings, rest assured we all have some.

So to the teacher who had the gall to tell my wife when she was in school trying to better herself; that her lack of sight would prevent her from ever getting a job and that she was wasting her time, I say shame on you. By courageously stepping out of her comfort zone and try something new, she was doing what comes natural to everyone and the fact that you tried to crush that makes me angry. No one has the right to take another person’s hopes and dreams and crush them in their infancy.

I thank the good Lord above for giving my wife the fortitude to move beyond those comments and the strength of courage to continue exploring life. And to the teacher I would like to inform him that Merna, is a wonderful, caring person and fully capable to hold down any job she so chooses. Not only is she working full time and actively supporting charities through her crafts, but she gives more care for others than I have seen anyone else in my life. I am of course biased by the fact that I love her beyond words, but I also know that she sees more with her heart than most people do with their eyes.

It is my honour to know her as a person and I would bet on her courage above many others so called normal abilities. I would also like to point out one of the most evident things about this whole incident and that is that you sir are the blind one! You were blind to the ability of another, blind to your own prejudice and blind to the harm that you could have caused. I would even go as far as saying that the only disability in this sad story was the self-inflicted disability of your own senses and mind.

To my wife I say never let anyone tell you that you are not good enough, smart enough or able enough to do anything. You are valued and your worth is beyond compare, you are a child of God and nothing is impossible for you to do.

An Artist's Sunset

The sun skipped across the clouds with joy leaving behind shimmers of pearl essence that highlighted the pale blue sky as the sun dipped beyond the horizon. The air was still , void of bird calls and only the harmonics of the sky resounded in this writers mind, igniting words of appreciation and wonder. Yet a great lack was still present with the ill attempt to capture the perfection in the sunset that the Lord had provided. The pink transitioning into coral, then lavender and finally purple with a dark blue finish stilling this audiences pen.

The Art of Celebration

It seems as if we are all too busy these days and wrapped up in our own worlds and problems. So much so that I believe that the majority of us have lost the art of celebration. This does not mean that your or my life is devoid of any joy or happy moments, just that a certain enjoyment and gusto has been lost.

Think about it, the last time you saw someone you haven’t seen in a long time, what did they say to you and you to them? I am always amazed to see and hear the way people simply greet each other, with gee you look tired, or you've gained weight and even a half-hearted how are you. Where have the “so good to see you, or it was great to catch up with you,” gone? Of course this example is for a simple 5 minute greeting, but the effect is exponential in other areas of our lives.

I know that I am guilty of it myself, wrapped up in my own concerns and worries, rushing from one problem to the next barely recognizing anything worthwhile in my own life. It seems as if we have raised our problems to unseen heights and have begun to simply ignore or barely acknowledge the good and even great things due to our dwelling on the negative in our lives. I for one would like to know how that scale got tipped to such a lopsided equation.

Have I lost my zeal for the things that bring joy, not knowingly? But am I guilty of not acknowledging events of achievement more than likely. That begs the question why? Why are we such negative people? I know that I do get joy from celebrating the good things in life, all I have to do is remember when I was younger playing at the beach. So how can you and I revive this art of celebration? I think that we need to make it part of our routine again and become the child again. We need to learn how to delight in things as before and live a simpler life.

So I encourage you to join with me in bringing back down our troubles and turn our backs on those who say stop being childish. Wake up each morning with an anticipation of adventure and exploration and truly revive the Art of Celebration. Each day from now own I want you and I to actively search for those things to celebrate and deal with troubles as they should be with one quick motion and learn to let it go. Think of your trouble as a balloon and let go of the string and enjoy the sight of it floating away.

Why seniors should have more technology than the youths

Anyone who knows me also knows that I have an Omama, and that Omama is the name that is given to a Grandmother from my cultural background. Now I am sure that I am like everyone else, we are impacted by the ones we love and notice age more on the eldest living generation in our families. For me the last line of defense against the onslaught of time is my Grandmother.

As she has aged over the years her ability to do things has been impacted, including the opportunity to travel distances without the aid of a vehicle driven by someone else. For a short time she lived with me and my wife but after a few new health issues she made the choice to move in with one of my sisters. There were many reasons for this, but one of the main ones were having more people around at all times for her to interact with.

You see, everyone needs community and my Omama had lost that due to her physical limitations and the fact that my wife and I are very busy people going from here to there like a couple of bees. So for her mental health and quality of life alone this was the best choice for her and the benefits were seen almost immediately.

But the biggest change came when she was introduced to Facebook and got a tablet, boy was that huge. All the connection that she had lost with friends or family was immediately restored and easily accessible. She was once again part of the group and distance and time seemed to have no limitations. Now even if she misses a family event, she can still see pictures and comments online and send her best wishes. Technology has truly changed her state of mind in a positive manner having ripple effects in other health areas of her life. I can genuinely say that the internet is making her a happier, healthier person which brings me back to my point that seniors should have more access to technology then our youths.

Anyone who knows an older person and believes they might not have enough interaction with the external world; I encourage you to give this virtual community a try, give them a tablet and watch the changes. You won’t regret it. A big shout out to my sister who had the idea, you have changed her life.

You’ve got to get your priorities straight!

You’ve got to get your priorities straight!

I am sure that each of us has probably heard this or something similar once or twice during our lifetimes. Even if the statement wasn’t directed at you, I am sure that 90% of the population has heard these words. But I wonder how many of us; even those making the statement, really take the time to sit down and do a little self-assessment?

With my new career on the brink of its dawning I am incorporating a couple of awareness exercises into my life to ensure that I am spending my time in the right place. What I realized and discovered was a little un-nerving and I thought I would share it with you to see if I am alone with how off my proiorties are. Now please remember everyone is going to have their own importance levels; what I am most interested in discovering is if you are spending the most time in the place you actually want. That does not mean that we have to have the same items in the same priority order, I just wonder what percentage of your time is spent on the things you THINK are most important and where your time is ACTUALLY spent

First I created a chart of the things in my life I believe are important for me and in the order of their level of importance, see below.

1.       God

2.       Spouse

3.       Family

4.       Work

5.       Community

6.       Country

7.       World

After this list was compiled, I then decide to attribute a percentage out of one hundred on how important each of the 7 points are to me. Here are those results:

1.       God -50%

2.       Spouse -25%

3.       Family -10%

4.       Work -5%

5.       Community -5%

6.       Country -3%

7.       World -2%

It is funny that as I write this blog, I just realized that nowhere on the list did I even consider myself as a priority. How about you, did you think of yourself?

After assigning a percentage to each item I then translated the value into time. Based on sleeping 8 hours a day, my results were as follows on the 16 hours remaining:

1.       God -50% - 8 hours

2.       Spouse -25% - 4 hours

3.       Family -10% -96 minutes

4.       Work -5% - 48 minutes

5.       Community -5% -48 minutes

6.       Country -3% -31 minutes

7.       World -2% -17 minutes

As I discovered and you can see, I don’t have as much time as I think I do. I am sure that most married couples would agree that if they saw or talk to each other even half the time I have assigned (2hours) per day that their marriage would be rock solid. And I am equally sure that all of us can admit that they would like a 48 minute work day.

Okay, so what does this all mean? Well it is going to mean something different for everyone, because we are all unique and have different priorities.  I think that the take away here is self-awareness and the need for deliberate evaluation and action. We have to ensure that we use the time we do have for those things that we find most important. I don’t know about you; but I think I have to shuffle things around to at least try to balance out what is important, so it reflects the amount of time I am spending on them.

Just out of curiosity what percentage of your day was spent on work after doing your chart?

Is texting hurting our friendships?

 

                I see it daily, people staring down at an illuminated screen totally engrossed in the newest message that has been instantaneously delivered. They are totally in the zone; as I like to call it, oblivious of everything around them. To me this is very scary. I have read too many news reports of peopled injured and being killed due to this lack of awareness; but there is something more subtle and troubling happening that I believe needs attention.

I think that texting is killing our friendships! Our friendships are just like everything else, the more accessible it is the more we seem to neglect it and take it for granted. Take water for example, I am sure that we can all agree that my appreciation for it becomes more intense in a desert than when I am swimming in a lake. The same is true for our friendships, if I can connect with you any time I want, than how likely am I to do so?

About a decade ago I remember longing to see a friend or family member simply because phone calls were expensive and they lived far away. It used to be that we would enjoy every moment together and our hugs goodbye seemed so bitter sweet. Now due to technology we can connect whenever and wherever we want.  While I believe that this type of communication can be good; like in my Omama’s (grandmothers) case, because she has a hard time travelling facebook and emails make staying involved with family easier and plays a major role to her psychologically well-being. Texting or messaging can also bring a caviler attitude to some of us who no longer feel the need to connect personally, especially if those friends are following us and can be texted or emailed at any time.

The truth however is that all serious deep conversations and relationships need to involve face time, where body language plays a vital role and higher levels of engagement are required which cannot be found on any social media platform. Let me give you an example of what I mean. I send my wife flowers from time to time and she enjoys them immensely, but even I have noticed that the emotions and care she feels from me deepens if I were to personally show up with them.

While texting and email is great in a pinch, building long term, deep and lasting relationships require our mentally and bodily presence to ensure we don’t take our friends and family for granted. So put down the phone and go see someone you love today.

My friends celebrating Black History Month

Here is a video posted by my friend Chidi Nwanyanwu in celebration of Black History Month. Sounds wonderful to me, make a joyful noise unto the Lord O my Soul.