Never Enough!

Yesterday was the first day in a long time that the temperature went above 10 degrees and it was fantastic. All day I look forward to leaving work to get out and enjoy the brief glimpse of sunshine that I see in a day. Standing outside waiting for the bus was pleasant for a change and I sensed the same spirit in others who were with me. This was a day to be embraced and enjoyed.

My state of jubilation was unfortunately short lived as I had to step into the shade of the bus, but the real disappointment was only a few bus stops away. As a young lady entered the bus and adjusted her barely there top and mesh shirt which had holes the size of a two dollar coin and nothing but a black bra underneath. Now I know that I am getting older and that my perspectives are changing as I age but I felt nothing but pity and shame for this young girl. So much so that I wanted to write this blog to try and impart another perspective as to why this is not a good thing.

First and foremost ladies I want you to know that you have value above and beyond your body. You need to know this. I don’t care how many times you were told growing up that you were cute or beautiful, your value should not be totally wrapped up in our physical appearance. I know that you are continuously bombarded by the media and told to stay young as long as you can and to do this and that to avoid the wear of the years.  I also know that many of you have bought into the culture that other women and yourselves are in a competition with each other and instead of being friends and helping one another, there is an atmosphere of jealousy, hate and overall disdain. This one upmanship is what I believe has led to the level of hyper-sensuality that we all now live in. The commercials and advertisements no longer hold anything back, mostly naked men and women roll around on the screen promoting the newest fragrance of the season. Beckoning to you, lying and telling you that if you have this product or use this perfume you can catch that man or women of your dreams.

Stop right there, let me repeat that for you. They are lying to you to sell more of their products by trying to make you believe that if you have their; whatever, you can catch the perfect man of your dreams. They are in fact bargaining with your mind and senses saying; if you do this, you can have that. Or if you behave or dress like this the result will be good and wholesome. WRONG. And let me tell you why it is wrong, but from a male perspective.

Just like you, we too are bombarded by advertising, one similar to yours. Telling us that if we drive this; or wear that, we too can capture the interest of the hot blond on the commercial screen. With men the issue is more visual than for women. Ask any women alive and they will tell you that their sexual nature is wrapped up with emotions, but they will also tell you that men are different and are driven but their eyes. This is why the marketing has changed over the years, preying and feed on both men and women’s weaknesses when it comes to being accepted, loved and understood. Basically they are trying to make you as insecure as possible in order to sell you as much as possible. The only problem with that is competition.

That’s right competition has brought on a new level of exposure. Competition between brands, has led to riskier product lines and more sexually charged advertising which in turn has led to many believing that the more of their body they can use to attract the male gender the better. But I am going to let you in on a secret. If you are staking your future on the visual part of man you will lose, it will never be enough, for a man who is a slave to his visual appetite is always hungry. Let me ask you a question, how can you compete with thousands of ads full of airbrushed and doctored women, how could you ever show more poise or flesh than the silver screen whose mistakes and awkward moments were left on the cutting room floor? You can’t. If you base attraction and meeting the perfect man on a physical level the resulting relationship will always fail. Your looks will never be enough and by association you will never be enough.

The good news is that there is still hope, we as a society must let our children and daughters and sisters know that they are more than their body and that character will always win over how they look. We must teach our sons the same and nurture ones with integrity; wisdom and character who will look beyond the advertisements and the flesh. For if a man falls in love with a women’s character that is a love that will last. Looks will fade over time, but a women’s character is unique, beautiful, valuable and worthy of a man’s attentions. But if you choose to attract a man with your body; heed this warning, once a slave to the flesh always a slave to the flesh. The likely hood of that man never having enough is almost guaranteed. In contrast, if you attract a man with your character you will have found a partner who bases their affection on who you are and not what you look like. And as that grows during your life you will realize that you have found the man of your dreams.

Don't believe me about the marketing lies being thrown at you, check out the following links:

http://ca.shine.yahoo.com/blogs/healthy-living/target-model-airbrushed-photo-designer-xhilaration-swimsuit-183337366.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2176539/Photo-retoucher-exposes-models-REALLY-airbrushed-And-mascara-ads-biggest-lie-all.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1573295/Magazines-criticised-for-airbrushing-models.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/10/30/model-before-and-after-photoshop_n_4179012.html

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/fash-track/photoshop-airbrushing-warning-labels-magazines-267619

You sir are the blind one!

As someone who is married to an individual who is blind and also has the privilege to know others with similar eye issues I have insights into human behaviour and prejudice some others might not.

Those who know me also know that I like to talk and swap stories and opinions with almost everyone I meet. My conversations are in depth and range from social to political conversations, one of my favorite topics is personal history. I have a strong belief that to know someone requires an intimate knowledge of how they grew up along with their personal life experiences. It was during one of these conversations with my wife that I learned a person of authority and power had stepped over the line.

Just like you and I and most of the people on the planet, she has dreams, hopes, aspirations and talents. Her blindness does not affect the fact that she too wants to succeed in life and contribute and be a part of the social community. After all doesn't everyone need and want a chance to be heard and considered as well as feeling valued and part of the whole?

It is to this fact that I wish to express my concern and disappointment. Inspired recently by a letter written by a concerned wife about the treatment of her husband, I felt compelled to bring this issue to light in order to change the perspectives of those who believe themselves superior or better than those around them. Peoples differences are what make life interesting and I applaud those with open minds when it comes to the acceptance of others and their short comings, rest assured we all have some.

So to the teacher who had the gall to tell my wife when she was in school trying to better herself; that her lack of sight would prevent her from ever getting a job and that she was wasting her time, I say shame on you. By courageously stepping out of her comfort zone and try something new, she was doing what comes natural to everyone and the fact that you tried to crush that makes me angry. No one has the right to take another person’s hopes and dreams and crush them in their infancy.

I thank the good Lord above for giving my wife the fortitude to move beyond those comments and the strength of courage to continue exploring life. And to the teacher I would like to inform him that Merna, is a wonderful, caring person and fully capable to hold down any job she so chooses. Not only is she working full time and actively supporting charities through her crafts, but she gives more care for others than I have seen anyone else in my life. I am of course biased by the fact that I love her beyond words, but I also know that she sees more with her heart than most people do with their eyes.

It is my honour to know her as a person and I would bet on her courage above many others so called normal abilities. I would also like to point out one of the most evident things about this whole incident and that is that you sir are the blind one! You were blind to the ability of another, blind to your own prejudice and blind to the harm that you could have caused. I would even go as far as saying that the only disability in this sad story was the self-inflicted disability of your own senses and mind.

To my wife I say never let anyone tell you that you are not good enough, smart enough or able enough to do anything. You are valued and your worth is beyond compare, you are a child of God and nothing is impossible for you to do.

An Artist's Sunset

The sun skipped across the clouds with joy leaving behind shimmers of pearl essence that highlighted the pale blue sky as the sun dipped beyond the horizon. The air was still , void of bird calls and only the harmonics of the sky resounded in this writers mind, igniting words of appreciation and wonder. Yet a great lack was still present with the ill attempt to capture the perfection in the sunset that the Lord had provided. The pink transitioning into coral, then lavender and finally purple with a dark blue finish stilling this audiences pen.

The Art of Celebration

It seems as if we are all too busy these days and wrapped up in our own worlds and problems. So much so that I believe that the majority of us have lost the art of celebration. This does not mean that your or my life is devoid of any joy or happy moments, just that a certain enjoyment and gusto has been lost.

Think about it, the last time you saw someone you haven’t seen in a long time, what did they say to you and you to them? I am always amazed to see and hear the way people simply greet each other, with gee you look tired, or you've gained weight and even a half-hearted how are you. Where have the “so good to see you, or it was great to catch up with you,” gone? Of course this example is for a simple 5 minute greeting, but the effect is exponential in other areas of our lives.

I know that I am guilty of it myself, wrapped up in my own concerns and worries, rushing from one problem to the next barely recognizing anything worthwhile in my own life. It seems as if we have raised our problems to unseen heights and have begun to simply ignore or barely acknowledge the good and even great things due to our dwelling on the negative in our lives. I for one would like to know how that scale got tipped to such a lopsided equation.

Have I lost my zeal for the things that bring joy, not knowingly? But am I guilty of not acknowledging events of achievement more than likely. That begs the question why? Why are we such negative people? I know that I do get joy from celebrating the good things in life, all I have to do is remember when I was younger playing at the beach. So how can you and I revive this art of celebration? I think that we need to make it part of our routine again and become the child again. We need to learn how to delight in things as before and live a simpler life.

So I encourage you to join with me in bringing back down our troubles and turn our backs on those who say stop being childish. Wake up each morning with an anticipation of adventure and exploration and truly revive the Art of Celebration. Each day from now own I want you and I to actively search for those things to celebrate and deal with troubles as they should be with one quick motion and learn to let it go. Think of your trouble as a balloon and let go of the string and enjoy the sight of it floating away.

Why seniors should have more technology than the youths

Anyone who knows me also knows that I have an Omama, and that Omama is the name that is given to a Grandmother from my cultural background. Now I am sure that I am like everyone else, we are impacted by the ones we love and notice age more on the eldest living generation in our families. For me the last line of defense against the onslaught of time is my Grandmother.

As she has aged over the years her ability to do things has been impacted, including the opportunity to travel distances without the aid of a vehicle driven by someone else. For a short time she lived with me and my wife but after a few new health issues she made the choice to move in with one of my sisters. There were many reasons for this, but one of the main ones were having more people around at all times for her to interact with.

You see, everyone needs community and my Omama had lost that due to her physical limitations and the fact that my wife and I are very busy people going from here to there like a couple of bees. So for her mental health and quality of life alone this was the best choice for her and the benefits were seen almost immediately.

But the biggest change came when she was introduced to Facebook and got a tablet, boy was that huge. All the connection that she had lost with friends or family was immediately restored and easily accessible. She was once again part of the group and distance and time seemed to have no limitations. Now even if she misses a family event, she can still see pictures and comments online and send her best wishes. Technology has truly changed her state of mind in a positive manner having ripple effects in other health areas of her life. I can genuinely say that the internet is making her a happier, healthier person which brings me back to my point that seniors should have more access to technology then our youths.

Anyone who knows an older person and believes they might not have enough interaction with the external world; I encourage you to give this virtual community a try, give them a tablet and watch the changes. You won’t regret it. A big shout out to my sister who had the idea, you have changed her life.

You’ve got to get your priorities straight!

You’ve got to get your priorities straight!

I am sure that each of us has probably heard this or something similar once or twice during our lifetimes. Even if the statement wasn’t directed at you, I am sure that 90% of the population has heard these words. But I wonder how many of us; even those making the statement, really take the time to sit down and do a little self-assessment?

With my new career on the brink of its dawning I am incorporating a couple of awareness exercises into my life to ensure that I am spending my time in the right place. What I realized and discovered was a little un-nerving and I thought I would share it with you to see if I am alone with how off my proiorties are. Now please remember everyone is going to have their own importance levels; what I am most interested in discovering is if you are spending the most time in the place you actually want. That does not mean that we have to have the same items in the same priority order, I just wonder what percentage of your time is spent on the things you THINK are most important and where your time is ACTUALLY spent

First I created a chart of the things in my life I believe are important for me and in the order of their level of importance, see below.

1.       God

2.       Spouse

3.       Family

4.       Work

5.       Community

6.       Country

7.       World

After this list was compiled, I then decide to attribute a percentage out of one hundred on how important each of the 7 points are to me. Here are those results:

1.       God -50%

2.       Spouse -25%

3.       Family -10%

4.       Work -5%

5.       Community -5%

6.       Country -3%

7.       World -2%

It is funny that as I write this blog, I just realized that nowhere on the list did I even consider myself as a priority. How about you, did you think of yourself?

After assigning a percentage to each item I then translated the value into time. Based on sleeping 8 hours a day, my results were as follows on the 16 hours remaining:

1.       God -50% - 8 hours

2.       Spouse -25% - 4 hours

3.       Family -10% -96 minutes

4.       Work -5% - 48 minutes

5.       Community -5% -48 minutes

6.       Country -3% -31 minutes

7.       World -2% -17 minutes

As I discovered and you can see, I don’t have as much time as I think I do. I am sure that most married couples would agree that if they saw or talk to each other even half the time I have assigned (2hours) per day that their marriage would be rock solid. And I am equally sure that all of us can admit that they would like a 48 minute work day.

Okay, so what does this all mean? Well it is going to mean something different for everyone, because we are all unique and have different priorities.  I think that the take away here is self-awareness and the need for deliberate evaluation and action. We have to ensure that we use the time we do have for those things that we find most important. I don’t know about you; but I think I have to shuffle things around to at least try to balance out what is important, so it reflects the amount of time I am spending on them.

Just out of curiosity what percentage of your day was spent on work after doing your chart?

Is texting hurting our friendships?

 

                I see it daily, people staring down at an illuminated screen totally engrossed in the newest message that has been instantaneously delivered. They are totally in the zone; as I like to call it, oblivious of everything around them. To me this is very scary. I have read too many news reports of peopled injured and being killed due to this lack of awareness; but there is something more subtle and troubling happening that I believe needs attention.

I think that texting is killing our friendships! Our friendships are just like everything else, the more accessible it is the more we seem to neglect it and take it for granted. Take water for example, I am sure that we can all agree that my appreciation for it becomes more intense in a desert than when I am swimming in a lake. The same is true for our friendships, if I can connect with you any time I want, than how likely am I to do so?

About a decade ago I remember longing to see a friend or family member simply because phone calls were expensive and they lived far away. It used to be that we would enjoy every moment together and our hugs goodbye seemed so bitter sweet. Now due to technology we can connect whenever and wherever we want.  While I believe that this type of communication can be good; like in my Omama’s (grandmothers) case, because she has a hard time travelling facebook and emails make staying involved with family easier and plays a major role to her psychologically well-being. Texting or messaging can also bring a caviler attitude to some of us who no longer feel the need to connect personally, especially if those friends are following us and can be texted or emailed at any time.

The truth however is that all serious deep conversations and relationships need to involve face time, where body language plays a vital role and higher levels of engagement are required which cannot be found on any social media platform. Let me give you an example of what I mean. I send my wife flowers from time to time and she enjoys them immensely, but even I have noticed that the emotions and care she feels from me deepens if I were to personally show up with them.

While texting and email is great in a pinch, building long term, deep and lasting relationships require our mentally and bodily presence to ensure we don’t take our friends and family for granted. So put down the phone and go see someone you love today.

My friends celebrating Black History Month

Here is a video posted by my friend Chidi Nwanyanwu in celebration of Black History Month. Sounds wonderful to me, make a joyful noise unto the Lord O my Soul.

The Only Gift Worth Giving

Gift

The dictionary defines the word gift as something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.

For many years I have been struggling with the concept of receiving and giving gifts or presents to those who have no, or very little needs. Our commercial and corporate society continue to bombard us each day; more so during the Christmas season, about how now is the time to have what you want. Here is your big chance to pamper yourself and get what you don’t have. The buy now pay later concept is so prevalent that I now hear commercials about taking out loans to be able to afford treating your family right. So I guess the biggest question is that I/we should be asking ourselves when do we, or should we give a gift?

Should we give solely because we have the means and ability, where are the lines and who sets the parameters for giving that gift and how do we ensure that it is appropriate? In my history of gift giving I have seen several simply opened and then put aside. I am sure that the receiver did appreciate it, but believe that at the core of things, a need was not there and certainly not met. On the other hand I can also remember giving gifts that were much needed and much appreciated and the impact of the gift was immediate and evident.

There have also been times when I was on the receiving end of a gift and it had little or no impact on me. This is not to say I did not appreciate the giver or the sentiment, but I simply did not need or require what was given. The core of this issue is that I have more than I need and have had since I can remember. This misconception of having needs is due to a belief in a commonly accepted lie, currently coursing through all of our lives today. That lie is that more is better. We as a society have swallowed this deception a little more each year. It has been so ingrained into us that it is so hard to see. It seems to me that each year the sheer volume of gifts under trees has ballooned, as if the amount of care or love from someone hinged on the quantity given.

I want you to try and remember what the best memories of Christmas past look like to you, what sticks out in your mind? For me it is the laughter of friends and family, the food we shared, the time in the kitchen cooking with my Grandmother who is no longer with us and yes the yearly PJs my mom allowed us boys to open on the Eve of Christmas. But what I remember the most is the love that joins all of those memories together and firmly concretes them in my mind. Christmas was never about the gifts, it was a feeling that was shared and expressed, and about a shared joy that a small baby came to Earth to be the best gift ever.

This event has been hidden over the years with all of the wrapping and bows of all the gifts we have exchanged and for some has even transplanted the true gift we used to give one another, Love. Every year I brace myself for the inevitable announcement of the people who have lost hope and committed suicide. People who have been lost and forgotten, I don’t know about you but I am tired of hearing it and heart sick just thinking about it.

So this year and every year from now, I am making a conscience effort to be more sensitive to actual needs that people have instead of their wants. I want to know people so well, that if I wanted to give them a gift, I would not have to guess what they needed for Christmas. Relationships that are not measured by what is packaged or wrapped up; but ones, that have meaning and care. I want and need ones that emulate the greatest gift ever given to another person, that of pure Love.
 So I urge you today to give; what is needed, Love this year to all and try to do it without buying anything. Because your heart and my heart cannot be measure by what we buy, it can only be measured by that intangible portion, that spirit within that feeling we all have experienced in Christmas past. I repeat the definition again so it may be fresh in your heart and mind and please notice the absence of satisfying a want.

“Something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.”

Here is a great example my brother shared with me after reading my blog. 

Another example of giving love posted by APC.

We can’t afford it!

We can’t afford it!

This used to be a phrase that I heard often when I was growing up, when prudence and planning were common place and common sense. Now some thirty odd years later, my co-worker and I discuss the fact that it is seldom heard. As we sat in the car and he describe how his wife reacted to his suggestion that they should turn down an invitation to an event because they simply could not afford it. With two girls in University and one soon to start I can certainly see his point. His wife however, did not feel as if they could say or email those words in order to decline the invitation. So he left her to her own devices to tell them in some other way that they would not be going.

But that is not my point; he actually said the words and meant it. Restraint when it comes to finances is something the entire nation has definitely lost a grip on. Just this month I read reports that the average family spends 163% of the money they bring in. I know math in high school was hard people, but come on, you and I can both add. This is a huge problem that left unchecked is exponential in nature and destroys families and generations to come. Indulging every whim and want has proven to be a bad plan. The buy now and pay later mentality needs to be put to rest, I mean how can anyone gripe and complain about a government who is only doing what its citizens are doing? This mind frame is permeating every level of society and every age. Credit cards once considered an emergency source of funds are now the normally way that people live.

Just for fun let’s do a little math together. Say we have an imaginary friend named Jim and he makes $2000.00 per month and so does his wife Jill. That’s a combined total of $4000.00 not bad right? Now picture them with a house they didn’t put any money down to buy, a wedding they are still paying for, schooling they still owe, two cars in the driveway and kids on the way. Now it doesn’t seem like that big a number does it? So on average they spend; let just use 150% of their combined income, $6000.00 per month. That is a loss of $2000 per month or $24,000.00 per year, as you can see things get out of hand quickly.

My point is this, why do we always need to newest thing, the leading edge technology, that flat screen TV and why do we feel that we can’t wait until we save for it? Are we so obsessed with what others think of us, that we are forced to keep up with appearances and the Jones? How can someone justify this type of mentality and expect a different result other than debt and eventual bankruptcy? What about retirement, how are you ever going to stop working if you keep spending more than you make? The average working life span is from 25 to 65 that means 40 years. If you therefore spend 150% percent of your income that means by age 55 you have spent 65 years of money, 10 years’ worth of income disappears and there is nothing to show for it. I would also like to point out that this calculation does not consider interest at all.

I humbly suggest that this is not a way to live but a way to imprison you. Having debt and worrying about it, is unhealthy and I know that those reading this don’t need me to tell them about the pressures of life, so why not start to today, make a plan, live life and find financial freedom. Learn how to say “I Can’t Afford It,” and be okay with it.

For those struggling with their finances, one great resource that I have come across is Tom Copland’s Financial Ministries which can be accessed at http://www.biblefinance.org/

“UN deems contraception access a human right”

“UN deems contraception access a human right” was the title of the article that I read this morning printed in the 24 Hours Nov 15, 2012 edition, which can be found below. As I continued to read I realized that this catchy title was not only that, but an actual quotation from the United Nations.

The meat of the story is that developing countries would save $11.3 billion annually in health-care costs while also “allowing women to choose how many children to have and when.” It further mentions that, “Governments, civil society, health providers and communities have the responsibility to protect the right to family planning for women across the spectrum, including those who are young or unmarried.” And the conclusion of the article stated that in order to, “meet the need, $4.1 billion more is required each year — over and above the monies pledged by donor countries,” and that “Family planning is not a privilege, but a right. Yet, too many women — and men — are denied this human right,”
I pondered for a long time before writing this post because of the potential sensitive and emotional nature of the topic and yet I am compelled by something deep within me. For that reason I will address the article point by point in a deliberate and methodical response. Those who know me will appreciate how difficult this is for me.

"The United Nations has declared access to contraception “an essential human right” and says providing it to women in developing countries would save $11.3 billion annually in health-care costs.
“Governments, civil society, health providers and communities have the responsibility to protect the right to family planning for women across the spectrum, including those who are young or unmarried,” says the State of the World Population 2012 report, which was released Wednesday.
Allowing women to choose how many children to have and when to have them has far-reaching benefits not only for individuals but for the economy and the world at large, the report says. Women who
use contraception are “generally healthier, better educated, more empowered in their households and communities and more economically productive,” said Dr. Babatunde Osotimehin, executive director of the United Nations Population Fund.
The report predicts that giving an additional 120 million women access to contraception would prevent the premature death of three million babies.
But for developing countries to meet the need, $4.1 billion more is required each year — over and above the monies pledged by donor countries.
“Family planning is not a privilege, but a right. Yet, too many women — and men — are denied this human right,” Osotimehin said.— "

1. The Title: “UN deems contraception access a human right.”
While I agree that we need to fight for human rights, I cannot see how access to contraception falls into the category of a human rights. I see human rights as intangible things, such as freedom of speech, of liberty, of religion, or freedom to defend one’s self not something to be purchased. The title also does not touch on the other point I wish to bring up which is that with every right we claim also comes a corresponding responsibility.

2. “Governments, civil society, health providers and communities have the responsibility to protect the right to family planning for women across the spectrum, including those who are young or unmarried,”
While I agree that we need to protect the rights of others with respect to family planning, I believe that our current laws do so. For example no one can force someone to have sex with them and if they do it is a crime punishable by the courts and judicial system. On the flip side society as a whole cannot prevent someone from having children. In both of these scenario’s access to contraception has no impact.

3. “Allowing women to choose how many children to have and when to have them has far-reaching benefits not only for individuals but for the economy and the world at large,” the report says.
Um, I thought women already had choice regarding their bodies? This paragraph basically infers the women should now also consider the good of the economy, the state, and the world at large when it comes to family planning. I don’t know how the ladies feel about that.

4. Women who use contraception are “generally healthier, better educated, more empowered in their households and communities and more economically productive,”
This is a generalization and therefore a prejudicial statement. What about the women who chose abstinence? Where do they fall, or how about the women who believe that family planning and having children are a natural result of having sex/intercourse and have nothing to do with contraception? Are they also stating that women who don’t use contraception are stupid, submissive, uneducated and non-productive?

5. The report predicts that giving an additional 120 million women access to contraception would prevent the premature death of three million babies.
How is having access to contraceptives going to prevent the premature death of babies? If you use contraceptives you won’t have any babies? If you are not using contraception, you trying to have them and in that case we must ask, why are they dying? I mean even if you argue that health care in developing countries is not as good as in North America, are you also saying that only the rich or those with access to good health care should have children? Or is this a comment on unwanted children and perhaps discussing the abortion issue?

6. But for developing countries to meet the need, $4.1 billion more is required each year — over and above the monies pledged by donor countries.
As a citizen of a donor country I believe this money could be better spent on other things, including, but not exclusive to education and the feeding of the numerous parentless children around the globe.

7. Family planning is not a privilege, but a right. Yet, too many women — and men — are denied this human right.
As I mentioned above, while I agree that we need to fight for human rights, I cannot see how access to contraception; under the guise of Family Planning, falls into the category of a human rights. Also having a child or children is a privilege and should never be seen as only a right. Too many men and women have children and then simply choose to ignore them and allow society to mold them. I am more inclined to think that these children have more rights than the parents. They have a right to be raised properly, since their parents chose to exercise their privilege to have them. As one of my friends wrote the other day, parenting does not end with the birth of a child; it is an ongoing state which needs to evolve and change with the growth of a child.

The bottom line is this; human rights exist and need to be championed to ensure that they continue to exist. Bringing attention to human rights is necessary and important; however should you chose to do so, I would urge you to ensure that printed articles are thoroughly examined before being printed. And lastly; while I believe the decision to have a family/children is an important one and not to be taken lightly, I cannot agree that the report’s conclusion that having greater access to contraception will have an impact on it, nor will making it a human right.

If you are interested you can view the full State of the World Population 2012 report.

Happy Anniversary to my wife.

As I look back over the brief years we have been married I glean truths about who we are and how to improve on our successes. One of the things that I have done in the past month or so is to wear the pocket watch that you have given me.  At first I wanted it as a reminder of our wedding day, but I grew to understand its importance over the last few weeks as our Anniversary approached. I wanted to share with you the insight that I have found and now treasure in my heart with you.

The watch is not just a shining piece of metal that marks off time, nor is it a mere machine that needs to be wound each day. To me it has become a representation of our actual marriage and love for one another. For each morning I take it out and make sure that everything is working, I take the time to inspect it and makes sure it is following the correct course. It must be adjusted from time to time if I want it to read the right time. I need to pay close attention to it and ensure that it is ready to meet each new day. It also reminds me that time is moving and that you and I are finite beings which must be appreciated with what now remains. I only hope that with the proper amount of care and time that our marriage and value to each other will like the watch improve with age.

So I say thank you for the watch, thank you for the reminder, thank you for today and every day after. Your friendship, love and support mean so much to me and they will continue to do so despite the march of time.

Your grateful and loving husband,

Ed

P.S. Here are a three poems to remember

Orbit

As the sun orbits the earth, so to does my love encompass you,

May my love warm your heart as the earth does the sun’s view.

As every starry night proceeds every glorious morning,

May every difficulty be overshadowed by graces adorning.

As the moon reflects the sun’s rays to brighten the night,

May my affection make your every step feel light.

As the twinkling dew nurtures the glistening grass,

May my words smooth every trouble like polished brass.

As our lives come closer to being forever joined,

“May God bless our lives”, be the phrase we both coined.

As I end this poem of love and care,

May it reflect the life that we are going to share.

My Dancing Girl

Soft white flashes before my eyes as you swirl and twirl,

Sweet smells hit me as you move from your head and every curl.

Your feet so small tap an irresistible rhythm as they move,

Back and forth on the floor with such passion carving a seeming groove.

Your hips are calling with every sway and bounce,

The coins that are jingling as you beckon are worth every ounce.

Hypnotic you are, my eyes are caught in a trance,

I am your slave captivated by this intricate dance.

You are a rare find, a perfect Ocean pearl,

I am so glad that you are my Dancing Girl.

What can I say to one so fair?

What can I say to one so fair?

I thank the lord everyday for you in prayer.

A gift so great only one can compare,

Your inner beauty makes one stop and stare.

Kind in heart and larger in spirit,

A love so great I almost fear it.

What can I do to deserve such a gift?

What can I do or say to give her a lift?

Only return the same in kind,

An exchange of hearts, assurance signed.

To you I gladly give my pledge.

My love for you takes off bird like from a ledge.

So if at times my words go awry,

Please remember it gets better with each new try.

Morning Moon & Star

 

This morning as I beheld the Moon, transfixed as it were like a pendulum in mid swing by the star by its side. I realized that I too was staring at the starry blanket of the sky which covered the fields over which the Sheppard’s once watch when a small child was born. As if it were a silent witness to events that would move Heaven and Earth, in awe it watched on as Jesus was given birth. What a beautiful revelation that those first witnesses looked at the same sky in which angels appeared that I now have the privilege to be looking at today. What glory and magnificence remains until this day in the starry night. The Heavens declare his greatness, Hallelujah.

Faith in the unseen

Did you watch the video above did you close it early or were you fascinated and intrigued by the inner works of the mechanisms that mark or keep track of what we call time?

This morning when I wound my watch; which by the way is a wedding gift from my lovely wife, I found myself just entranced by the movements. As I watched I came to a realization that time is seldom recognized or marked anymore. What I mean is that with the advent of the digital watch and other electronic devices, time is seldom looked at as something that is moving, but rather something that merely exists. I almost get the impression that we as a society no longer have time for time. We are too busy being distracted by this or that, running from one engagement and to another. Time has seemingly been pushed aside. Were once it was celebrated; as in the invention of standard time, it has now been trivialized.

I mean we now have access to everything all of the time, so why should I care about when things are open? We live in a global market and leverage time zones in both our personal and business lives; I can buy anything anywhere and have it shipped to me the next day. Instant gratification has dulled my sense of time, decreased my urgency and allowed all of us to procrastinate until the very last possible moment. It is no wonder that many of us have caught ourselves in a daze, looking around at our environments and saying, “Where did the time go?”

This lack of connection with the unseen march of a force so powerful to our finite beings, that I would say is more than just ignorant, but even foolish. For if we by thoughtlessness allow ourselves to believe that there is infinite time, why would we ever do anything? Couldn’t we just push things off until the tomorrow that never seems to come? Truly this is a shame, one in which many of us share!

For if our life; which is based and maintained by time, is ignored, then how will we ever learn to appreciate it or anything else. Isn’t a rose appreciated when it blossoms, don’t our faces stretch to the sun for warmth and tell me who among us does not welcome the end of a winter storm? So with this knowledge, what should we do? I know that I for one wish to appreciate all that I have, which means that I would have to understand that time effects my appreciation.

For my part I will continue to look and wind my watch daily in the morning as a reminder that the day to come is precious and that one day like me, that same watch may run out of time. May I always have faith in the power of the unseen, and respect for it.

3 Squares

Everyone I know understands that a healthy life includes a healthy diet which usually includes, breakfast, lunch and dinner. You may have even heard the term 3 squares a day, or 3 square meals a day. This Idea of being square eludes to blocks and by extension buildi9ng blocks which form a good foundation for daily living. I still remember being taught in school the nutritional chart and the different categories of food groups and the concept of an ideally balanced diet. Even now many years later balance is considered to be the key to our lives. Work verses play, leisure verses exercise, junk food verses whole food and many other moderations including how much meat we eat, fruit and vegetables.  Even those of us who perhaps don’t have the greatest balance in some of these areas still agree that 3 squares are important.

So it is surprising to me why it took so long to figure out that what I apply to my physical being should also be applied to much spiritual being. Just as my body requires certain things for health, maintenance and growth, so too does my spiritual being. Many times I have wondered why I feel disconnected, uninspired and even despondent because God feels so far away. The reality is that it is I and not him who is far away. I need to feed my spirit on 3 squares just like my body. Prayer, meditation in the word, and listening to his spirit are the key elements to this growth. If I want to be a more whole, and a more complete person, should I not concern myself with more frequent feedings from his truth? And how much more important is it than the actual feeding of my body? I mean if I believe in life everlasting; one which is comprised of eternity in the spirit and not of earthly flesh is it not of even more importance? It must have been for Jesus even requested of Peter to “feed my Sheep” three times (aka 3 Squares).

John 21:15-17

King James Version (KJV)

¹⁵ So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.

¹⁶ He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

¹⁷ He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.

So I have a new challenge to pursue, a new race to run for I wish to grow strong in my faith and the best way I can see right now is to dig into 3 squares a day. For those of us with children this is even more important because we are charged by God to feed and be responsible for our children, so I encourage you as well to make sure they get all their physical and spiritual nutrition. Even the veggies!

Think outside the box

I don’t know about you, but I am a creature of habit and routine and once one has been established it is hard to change. This can be good or bad depending on the habit; balance in life is the key to living well. Of late I have noticed that I have been spending too much time in front of the “box” that we call TV. I admit it I am a bit of a junkie when it comes to movies or a good series like, House and Madmen. The trouble is, if we are not careful we can be sucked in and it can change from a treat or occasional, to the norm.

As I said, recently I have noticed that my time allocation has been shifting from things I should be focused on, to what’s on the box. Because of this other areas in my life are beginning to suffer, such as sleep, studies and even my relationships with others. My priorities have become skewed, just like it would with any other singular focus. I am sure you have heard the phrase, “too much of a good thing.” Well, for me this is certainly the case.

In life, each of us can get caught in one of these ruts. We can find ourselves comfortable or resistant to change, this is why I believe strongly in the art of discipline/fasting. In order to regain balance, sometimes one must take drastic measures to restore the proper level of importance to the things in our life. Although to some this might seem drastic or crazy for a guy like me, who defines himself as all or nothing, it’s just right. So with October rolling around, I have decided to take a break, a little vacation and focus on thinking outside of the box. I challenge you to do the same with something that is too BIG in your own life.

My Wife, My Hero

Many of you know this already, but I adore my wife and she is my hero. Despite the frequent rumors, she rescued me and it was not the other way around. Merna, my wife is vision impaired this in no way means that she is disabled! I hate that word, because it is full of ignorance and lacks the understanding that we are all differently gifted from God.

What I mean to accomplish by writing this blog is to open people’s eyes to how wonderful she is, how courageous and how good God is. Now I do need to point out here that even with my understanding of who she is this is only a fraction of what I am sure she has to cope with on a daily basis. I want you to imagine what it is like to not be able to see by closing your eyes, feel the darkness sink into to your mind. I know that you’re probably like me and can stumble around in the dark at night to get that glass of water or use the washroom, but think of being outside of an environment that you know. Slowly go through all of the daily routines, like taking a shower, picking out your clothes, walking to the bus, finding a seat, knowing if you’re on time or simply seeing a Tim Horton’s you can pull into for that first coffee. Now go over them again with no or low vision. Can’t find the shampoo that your husband moved, not sure if your shirt matches your pants or shoes, not being able to see the construction on the sidewalk, missing the bus because he stopped short of the actual stop, and not knowing where you are or simply what stores are available. I hope you don’t have to use the washroom right now; you might be walking into the men’s room instead of the ladies.

What I have described above is a fraction of what my lovely wife deals with daily and if you couple this with good intentioned people, who grab her, pull her cane or simply walk over it to get on the bus first then I think you will start to understand her better. I don’t know about you, but I have doubts that I could do it. Simply living seems to tuff, except that for her it isn’t. She lets nothing stop her from doing what she wants to do; trial and error does not phase her. Top that off with all of her abilities, like crochet, harmonica, piano, cycling, singing and her continuous offers to assist those around her and you being to have an appreciation for how wonderful she is.

So I will close this letter with thanks to God for bringing her in my life and guiding her on a daily basis. Truly I have been blessed as a man to know so great a woman.

Benefits of Sleep

My brother posted a challenge on Facebook the other day, one which I have chosen to accept. Now only after I had done so, did I learn that he was not the author of the challenge but simply an advocate of the idea. The premise of this challenge was to create a piece of writing without electronics, but with the old school pen and paper. The perception being that by doing this exercise, it would result in better content and writing. And so here I am writing today about sleep, the subject my brother David suggested. As you can see I have typed the resulting piece from the original chicken scratch.

As I am both fond of sleep and know many of its values, I think this was a good choice. Sleep is an essential part of life and takes up and makes up about one third of our day and by extension life. I suggest that it is very important to all of us and that the benefits of sleep are numerous. Here are the ones that I personally value the most.

Sleep is great for repairing the body. During this immobile state, all of the body’s miraculous energies have the opportunity to focus inwards. Scars heal, nails and hair grow, blood is made and even our spines are rejuvenated. Did you know that while you are laying down the individual parts of your spine swell? These fluids which are lost during the day; after the effects of gravity and the whole day have been pressing you down are once again allowed to pool and be absorbed.  That means that you are taller in the morning then when you go to bed.

Not only is does our physical being and body reboot, but so do our complex minds. As we sleep our brain switches into housekeeping mode and begins the filing of information. Memories that have been taken in during the day are sifted and transported from short term to long term memory. Many times I have even awakened during this process by the solving of a problem that occurred during the day. I am sure that if I were to interview people, that they would have similar stories of their own sleeping Eureka moments.

As with both the mind and body, our spirits are refreshed as well. Today in our fast paced environments we are constantly bombarded by information, stimulation and anxiety riddled issues. This overwhelming condition can only be reset through sleep. If you are like me, you can sometimes get too wrapped up in things and then they can override all other reasonable thoughts. This worry or obsessing state is not only damaging but also stops you from moving forward and impacting other things that you wanted to accomplish. Sleep is the ultimate perspective reset. My problems never seem to be as large or as important the following morning as they do in the present moment. The simple fact that my existence is established daily, every morning, brings new attitude and appreciation for life.

So let us not be childlike and struggle against this great gift, but let us rejoice that come the morning we will feel more than just refreshed, but new and full of life in the knowledge that with sleep comes energy, perspective and good health.

Dress Code: It had to be said

at·trac·tive

adjective

1. providing pleasure or delight, especially in appearance or manner; pleasing; charming; alluring: an attractive personality.

2. arousing interest or engaging one's thought, consideration, etc.: an attractive idea; an attractive price.

3. having the quality of attracting.

beau·ty

noun,

1. the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).

lust

noun

1. intense sexual desire or appetite.

2. uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.

3. a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usually followed by for ): a lust for power.

Okay now that we have the definitions of the world’s idea of what is beautiful and attractive, I would like to address an issue that in my opinion has gotten out of proportion; today I would like to discuss our obsession with our physical bodies.

I am noticing more and more the lack of decorum; you could even call it a lack of grace or shame with the way some people dress. Everyday my vision is assaulted with the sights of people wearing what I would call inappropriate clothing. From a man’s perspective I have to say that it has gotten to the point where I have left a room, elevator and store isle, because I was not comfortable being in the same space as the individual in question. Now I know that we are supposed to have an open mind, allow for individuality and even have understanding for our differences. But just like every other area of society, boundaries and limits are necessary for all parties.

I have seen pockets on shorts, which are longer than the shorts, shirts that are sheerer than my curtains, yoga pants so tight that every crease is visible and people with more clothes on at the beach than some walking around in the mall. My question is when is enough, enough from the perspective of the collective society? I say that if you approach me to talk to me and have to cover your chest with your hand or pull up a piece of clothing maybe your wardrobe needs to be adjusted.

 All the ladies that I call friends, and family members near and far, you know that I love you, but believe me when I say that dressing this way is not good. I know that some of you feel good all dressed up and that you want to look your best. But when did your best mean exposing as much skin as possible without being arrested for exposure? I have to ask what are you hoping to attract and how could you possibly feel good showing everything God gave you to everyone? How meaningful will intimacy with your significant other be, if privacy or modesty is not in the mix? If we have seen it all, what then is left for us to discover? You are more than the sum of your parts, you are a mind, soul and body.

Look at it this way, if you encourage men to think of you and focus on only the physical then how long will that kind of attraction last? Our bodies do and will change, don’t you want someone around who sees to the heart of you and not just that new grey hair or wrinkle. What emotion other than lust is involved with the sight, none that I can think of? So when our need for comfort, joy, safety, security, intimacy, and all the other ranges of emotional needs arise how satisfied will you be?

Why am I writing this, what is my point? I want you to know that you matter, you are more than the clothes and make up you wear and you have great value. Hopefully with this posting you will see it too.

1 Peter 3:3-5

New International Version (NIV)

³ Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. ⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. ⁵ For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.

Is calling someone disabled Prejudice?

Many people throw this term around without understanding it’s true meaning so I am looking to get them to think about it in a different light. First let me just say that we are all disabled in some way form or fashion, we are all different and have different skills and abilities. It is what makes us humans unique; we were created in God’s image, all of us. The Bible even says, to curse no man for we were made in his image, James 3: 8-10.

Prejudice by definition, is projecting one's own ideas and concepts about an individual onto them without knowledge or validity or truth. These preformed ideas are usually based on limited knowledge regarding a geographic or cultural locale. I contest that in so doing, we are actually disabling our own minds and ourselves. For the definition of disable is; “ to make unable or unfit; weaken or destroy the capability of; cripple; incapacitate: ie. He was disabled by blindness. ”

This is where I would like to pose a general question, since when has focusing on anyone shortcomings ever lifted our perception of anyone or see the best in them or the hope of Christ which lives in us? It doesn’t. If you notice the definition above again, it say to make in the beginning, that is referring to the person who is doing the projecting. The object, or person who you are judging is not actually what you believe they are just because you think it. We as a society must make room in our minds for the possibilities of an individual, and should not limit them to our musing or limited understanding of their attributes.

I would like to suggest that we are called to a higher calling, one of enablement, both of our minds and others. In Corinthians 12:11-13 , Paul mentions that we are all part of one body with diverse gifts and callings and that we should exhort one another in Hebrews 10:25. So I encourage you to step out of that box we have been living in and have an open mind regarding people’s abilities. I ask you to see them as different-abled and not disabled and renew your mind as in Romans 12:2.

P.S. Just another additional thought that crossed my mind on the subject. Sometimes we focus so much on the ability that we lose sight of the person and in our minds they become the disability we percieve and stop being the person. We need to all stop objectifying each other and accept each other as Christ did for us.