You’ve got to get your priorities straight!

You’ve got to get your priorities straight!

I am sure that each of us has probably heard this or something similar once or twice during our lifetimes. Even if the statement wasn’t directed at you, I am sure that 90% of the population has heard these words. But I wonder how many of us; even those making the statement, really take the time to sit down and do a little self-assessment?

With my new career on the brink of its dawning I am incorporating a couple of awareness exercises into my life to ensure that I am spending my time in the right place. What I realized and discovered was a little un-nerving and I thought I would share it with you to see if I am alone with how off my proiorties are. Now please remember everyone is going to have their own importance levels; what I am most interested in discovering is if you are spending the most time in the place you actually want. That does not mean that we have to have the same items in the same priority order, I just wonder what percentage of your time is spent on the things you THINK are most important and where your time is ACTUALLY spent

First I created a chart of the things in my life I believe are important for me and in the order of their level of importance, see below.

1.       God

2.       Spouse

3.       Family

4.       Work

5.       Community

6.       Country

7.       World

After this list was compiled, I then decide to attribute a percentage out of one hundred on how important each of the 7 points are to me. Here are those results:

1.       God -50%

2.       Spouse -25%

3.       Family -10%

4.       Work -5%

5.       Community -5%

6.       Country -3%

7.       World -2%

It is funny that as I write this blog, I just realized that nowhere on the list did I even consider myself as a priority. How about you, did you think of yourself?

After assigning a percentage to each item I then translated the value into time. Based on sleeping 8 hours a day, my results were as follows on the 16 hours remaining:

1.       God -50% - 8 hours

2.       Spouse -25% - 4 hours

3.       Family -10% -96 minutes

4.       Work -5% - 48 minutes

5.       Community -5% -48 minutes

6.       Country -3% -31 minutes

7.       World -2% -17 minutes

As I discovered and you can see, I don’t have as much time as I think I do. I am sure that most married couples would agree that if they saw or talk to each other even half the time I have assigned (2hours) per day that their marriage would be rock solid. And I am equally sure that all of us can admit that they would like a 48 minute work day.

Okay, so what does this all mean? Well it is going to mean something different for everyone, because we are all unique and have different priorities.  I think that the take away here is self-awareness and the need for deliberate evaluation and action. We have to ensure that we use the time we do have for those things that we find most important. I don’t know about you; but I think I have to shuffle things around to at least try to balance out what is important, so it reflects the amount of time I am spending on them.

Just out of curiosity what percentage of your day was spent on work after doing your chart?

Is texting hurting our friendships?

 

                I see it daily, people staring down at an illuminated screen totally engrossed in the newest message that has been instantaneously delivered. They are totally in the zone; as I like to call it, oblivious of everything around them. To me this is very scary. I have read too many news reports of peopled injured and being killed due to this lack of awareness; but there is something more subtle and troubling happening that I believe needs attention.

I think that texting is killing our friendships! Our friendships are just like everything else, the more accessible it is the more we seem to neglect it and take it for granted. Take water for example, I am sure that we can all agree that my appreciation for it becomes more intense in a desert than when I am swimming in a lake. The same is true for our friendships, if I can connect with you any time I want, than how likely am I to do so?

About a decade ago I remember longing to see a friend or family member simply because phone calls were expensive and they lived far away. It used to be that we would enjoy every moment together and our hugs goodbye seemed so bitter sweet. Now due to technology we can connect whenever and wherever we want.  While I believe that this type of communication can be good; like in my Omama’s (grandmothers) case, because she has a hard time travelling facebook and emails make staying involved with family easier and plays a major role to her psychologically well-being. Texting or messaging can also bring a caviler attitude to some of us who no longer feel the need to connect personally, especially if those friends are following us and can be texted or emailed at any time.

The truth however is that all serious deep conversations and relationships need to involve face time, where body language plays a vital role and higher levels of engagement are required which cannot be found on any social media platform. Let me give you an example of what I mean. I send my wife flowers from time to time and she enjoys them immensely, but even I have noticed that the emotions and care she feels from me deepens if I were to personally show up with them.

While texting and email is great in a pinch, building long term, deep and lasting relationships require our mentally and bodily presence to ensure we don’t take our friends and family for granted. So put down the phone and go see someone you love today.

My friends celebrating Black History Month

Here is a video posted by my friend Chidi Nwanyanwu in celebration of Black History Month. Sounds wonderful to me, make a joyful noise unto the Lord O my Soul.

The Only Gift Worth Giving

Gift

The dictionary defines the word gift as something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.

For many years I have been struggling with the concept of receiving and giving gifts or presents to those who have no, or very little needs. Our commercial and corporate society continue to bombard us each day; more so during the Christmas season, about how now is the time to have what you want. Here is your big chance to pamper yourself and get what you don’t have. The buy now pay later concept is so prevalent that I now hear commercials about taking out loans to be able to afford treating your family right. So I guess the biggest question is that I/we should be asking ourselves when do we, or should we give a gift?

Should we give solely because we have the means and ability, where are the lines and who sets the parameters for giving that gift and how do we ensure that it is appropriate? In my history of gift giving I have seen several simply opened and then put aside. I am sure that the receiver did appreciate it, but believe that at the core of things, a need was not there and certainly not met. On the other hand I can also remember giving gifts that were much needed and much appreciated and the impact of the gift was immediate and evident.

There have also been times when I was on the receiving end of a gift and it had little or no impact on me. This is not to say I did not appreciate the giver or the sentiment, but I simply did not need or require what was given. The core of this issue is that I have more than I need and have had since I can remember. This misconception of having needs is due to a belief in a commonly accepted lie, currently coursing through all of our lives today. That lie is that more is better. We as a society have swallowed this deception a little more each year. It has been so ingrained into us that it is so hard to see. It seems to me that each year the sheer volume of gifts under trees has ballooned, as if the amount of care or love from someone hinged on the quantity given.

I want you to try and remember what the best memories of Christmas past look like to you, what sticks out in your mind? For me it is the laughter of friends and family, the food we shared, the time in the kitchen cooking with my Grandmother who is no longer with us and yes the yearly PJs my mom allowed us boys to open on the Eve of Christmas. But what I remember the most is the love that joins all of those memories together and firmly concretes them in my mind. Christmas was never about the gifts, it was a feeling that was shared and expressed, and about a shared joy that a small baby came to Earth to be the best gift ever.

This event has been hidden over the years with all of the wrapping and bows of all the gifts we have exchanged and for some has even transplanted the true gift we used to give one another, Love. Every year I brace myself for the inevitable announcement of the people who have lost hope and committed suicide. People who have been lost and forgotten, I don’t know about you but I am tired of hearing it and heart sick just thinking about it.

So this year and every year from now, I am making a conscience effort to be more sensitive to actual needs that people have instead of their wants. I want to know people so well, that if I wanted to give them a gift, I would not have to guess what they needed for Christmas. Relationships that are not measured by what is packaged or wrapped up; but ones, that have meaning and care. I want and need ones that emulate the greatest gift ever given to another person, that of pure Love.
 So I urge you today to give; what is needed, Love this year to all and try to do it without buying anything. Because your heart and my heart cannot be measure by what we buy, it can only be measured by that intangible portion, that spirit within that feeling we all have experienced in Christmas past. I repeat the definition again so it may be fresh in your heart and mind and please notice the absence of satisfying a want.

“Something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.”

Here is a great example my brother shared with me after reading my blog. 

Another example of giving love posted by APC.

We can’t afford it!

We can’t afford it!

This used to be a phrase that I heard often when I was growing up, when prudence and planning were common place and common sense. Now some thirty odd years later, my co-worker and I discuss the fact that it is seldom heard. As we sat in the car and he describe how his wife reacted to his suggestion that they should turn down an invitation to an event because they simply could not afford it. With two girls in University and one soon to start I can certainly see his point. His wife however, did not feel as if they could say or email those words in order to decline the invitation. So he left her to her own devices to tell them in some other way that they would not be going.

But that is not my point; he actually said the words and meant it. Restraint when it comes to finances is something the entire nation has definitely lost a grip on. Just this month I read reports that the average family spends 163% of the money they bring in. I know math in high school was hard people, but come on, you and I can both add. This is a huge problem that left unchecked is exponential in nature and destroys families and generations to come. Indulging every whim and want has proven to be a bad plan. The buy now and pay later mentality needs to be put to rest, I mean how can anyone gripe and complain about a government who is only doing what its citizens are doing? This mind frame is permeating every level of society and every age. Credit cards once considered an emergency source of funds are now the normally way that people live.

Just for fun let’s do a little math together. Say we have an imaginary friend named Jim and he makes $2000.00 per month and so does his wife Jill. That’s a combined total of $4000.00 not bad right? Now picture them with a house they didn’t put any money down to buy, a wedding they are still paying for, schooling they still owe, two cars in the driveway and kids on the way. Now it doesn’t seem like that big a number does it? So on average they spend; let just use 150% of their combined income, $6000.00 per month. That is a loss of $2000 per month or $24,000.00 per year, as you can see things get out of hand quickly.

My point is this, why do we always need to newest thing, the leading edge technology, that flat screen TV and why do we feel that we can’t wait until we save for it? Are we so obsessed with what others think of us, that we are forced to keep up with appearances and the Jones? How can someone justify this type of mentality and expect a different result other than debt and eventual bankruptcy? What about retirement, how are you ever going to stop working if you keep spending more than you make? The average working life span is from 25 to 65 that means 40 years. If you therefore spend 150% percent of your income that means by age 55 you have spent 65 years of money, 10 years’ worth of income disappears and there is nothing to show for it. I would also like to point out that this calculation does not consider interest at all.

I humbly suggest that this is not a way to live but a way to imprison you. Having debt and worrying about it, is unhealthy and I know that those reading this don’t need me to tell them about the pressures of life, so why not start to today, make a plan, live life and find financial freedom. Learn how to say “I Can’t Afford It,” and be okay with it.

For those struggling with their finances, one great resource that I have come across is Tom Copland’s Financial Ministries which can be accessed at http://www.biblefinance.org/

“UN deems contraception access a human right”

“UN deems contraception access a human right” was the title of the article that I read this morning printed in the 24 Hours Nov 15, 2012 edition, which can be found below. As I continued to read I realized that this catchy title was not only that, but an actual quotation from the United Nations.

The meat of the story is that developing countries would save $11.3 billion annually in health-care costs while also “allowing women to choose how many children to have and when.” It further mentions that, “Governments, civil society, health providers and communities have the responsibility to protect the right to family planning for women across the spectrum, including those who are young or unmarried.” And the conclusion of the article stated that in order to, “meet the need, $4.1 billion more is required each year — over and above the monies pledged by donor countries,” and that “Family planning is not a privilege, but a right. Yet, too many women — and men — are denied this human right,”
I pondered for a long time before writing this post because of the potential sensitive and emotional nature of the topic and yet I am compelled by something deep within me. For that reason I will address the article point by point in a deliberate and methodical response. Those who know me will appreciate how difficult this is for me.

"The United Nations has declared access to contraception “an essential human right” and says providing it to women in developing countries would save $11.3 billion annually in health-care costs.
“Governments, civil society, health providers and communities have the responsibility to protect the right to family planning for women across the spectrum, including those who are young or unmarried,” says the State of the World Population 2012 report, which was released Wednesday.
Allowing women to choose how many children to have and when to have them has far-reaching benefits not only for individuals but for the economy and the world at large, the report says. Women who
use contraception are “generally healthier, better educated, more empowered in their households and communities and more economically productive,” said Dr. Babatunde Osotimehin, executive director of the United Nations Population Fund.
The report predicts that giving an additional 120 million women access to contraception would prevent the premature death of three million babies.
But for developing countries to meet the need, $4.1 billion more is required each year — over and above the monies pledged by donor countries.
“Family planning is not a privilege, but a right. Yet, too many women — and men — are denied this human right,” Osotimehin said.— "

1. The Title: “UN deems contraception access a human right.”
While I agree that we need to fight for human rights, I cannot see how access to contraception falls into the category of a human rights. I see human rights as intangible things, such as freedom of speech, of liberty, of religion, or freedom to defend one’s self not something to be purchased. The title also does not touch on the other point I wish to bring up which is that with every right we claim also comes a corresponding responsibility.

2. “Governments, civil society, health providers and communities have the responsibility to protect the right to family planning for women across the spectrum, including those who are young or unmarried,”
While I agree that we need to protect the rights of others with respect to family planning, I believe that our current laws do so. For example no one can force someone to have sex with them and if they do it is a crime punishable by the courts and judicial system. On the flip side society as a whole cannot prevent someone from having children. In both of these scenario’s access to contraception has no impact.

3. “Allowing women to choose how many children to have and when to have them has far-reaching benefits not only for individuals but for the economy and the world at large,” the report says.
Um, I thought women already had choice regarding their bodies? This paragraph basically infers the women should now also consider the good of the economy, the state, and the world at large when it comes to family planning. I don’t know how the ladies feel about that.

4. Women who use contraception are “generally healthier, better educated, more empowered in their households and communities and more economically productive,”
This is a generalization and therefore a prejudicial statement. What about the women who chose abstinence? Where do they fall, or how about the women who believe that family planning and having children are a natural result of having sex/intercourse and have nothing to do with contraception? Are they also stating that women who don’t use contraception are stupid, submissive, uneducated and non-productive?

5. The report predicts that giving an additional 120 million women access to contraception would prevent the premature death of three million babies.
How is having access to contraceptives going to prevent the premature death of babies? If you use contraceptives you won’t have any babies? If you are not using contraception, you trying to have them and in that case we must ask, why are they dying? I mean even if you argue that health care in developing countries is not as good as in North America, are you also saying that only the rich or those with access to good health care should have children? Or is this a comment on unwanted children and perhaps discussing the abortion issue?

6. But for developing countries to meet the need, $4.1 billion more is required each year — over and above the monies pledged by donor countries.
As a citizen of a donor country I believe this money could be better spent on other things, including, but not exclusive to education and the feeding of the numerous parentless children around the globe.

7. Family planning is not a privilege, but a right. Yet, too many women — and men — are denied this human right.
As I mentioned above, while I agree that we need to fight for human rights, I cannot see how access to contraception; under the guise of Family Planning, falls into the category of a human rights. Also having a child or children is a privilege and should never be seen as only a right. Too many men and women have children and then simply choose to ignore them and allow society to mold them. I am more inclined to think that these children have more rights than the parents. They have a right to be raised properly, since their parents chose to exercise their privilege to have them. As one of my friends wrote the other day, parenting does not end with the birth of a child; it is an ongoing state which needs to evolve and change with the growth of a child.

The bottom line is this; human rights exist and need to be championed to ensure that they continue to exist. Bringing attention to human rights is necessary and important; however should you chose to do so, I would urge you to ensure that printed articles are thoroughly examined before being printed. And lastly; while I believe the decision to have a family/children is an important one and not to be taken lightly, I cannot agree that the report’s conclusion that having greater access to contraception will have an impact on it, nor will making it a human right.

If you are interested you can view the full State of the World Population 2012 report.

Happy Anniversary to my wife.

As I look back over the brief years we have been married I glean truths about who we are and how to improve on our successes. One of the things that I have done in the past month or so is to wear the pocket watch that you have given me.  At first I wanted it as a reminder of our wedding day, but I grew to understand its importance over the last few weeks as our Anniversary approached. I wanted to share with you the insight that I have found and now treasure in my heart with you.

The watch is not just a shining piece of metal that marks off time, nor is it a mere machine that needs to be wound each day. To me it has become a representation of our actual marriage and love for one another. For each morning I take it out and make sure that everything is working, I take the time to inspect it and makes sure it is following the correct course. It must be adjusted from time to time if I want it to read the right time. I need to pay close attention to it and ensure that it is ready to meet each new day. It also reminds me that time is moving and that you and I are finite beings which must be appreciated with what now remains. I only hope that with the proper amount of care and time that our marriage and value to each other will like the watch improve with age.

So I say thank you for the watch, thank you for the reminder, thank you for today and every day after. Your friendship, love and support mean so much to me and they will continue to do so despite the march of time.

Your grateful and loving husband,

Ed

P.S. Here are a three poems to remember

Orbit

As the sun orbits the earth, so to does my love encompass you,

May my love warm your heart as the earth does the sun’s view.

As every starry night proceeds every glorious morning,

May every difficulty be overshadowed by graces adorning.

As the moon reflects the sun’s rays to brighten the night,

May my affection make your every step feel light.

As the twinkling dew nurtures the glistening grass,

May my words smooth every trouble like polished brass.

As our lives come closer to being forever joined,

“May God bless our lives”, be the phrase we both coined.

As I end this poem of love and care,

May it reflect the life that we are going to share.

My Dancing Girl

Soft white flashes before my eyes as you swirl and twirl,

Sweet smells hit me as you move from your head and every curl.

Your feet so small tap an irresistible rhythm as they move,

Back and forth on the floor with such passion carving a seeming groove.

Your hips are calling with every sway and bounce,

The coins that are jingling as you beckon are worth every ounce.

Hypnotic you are, my eyes are caught in a trance,

I am your slave captivated by this intricate dance.

You are a rare find, a perfect Ocean pearl,

I am so glad that you are my Dancing Girl.

What can I say to one so fair?

What can I say to one so fair?

I thank the lord everyday for you in prayer.

A gift so great only one can compare,

Your inner beauty makes one stop and stare.

Kind in heart and larger in spirit,

A love so great I almost fear it.

What can I do to deserve such a gift?

What can I do or say to give her a lift?

Only return the same in kind,

An exchange of hearts, assurance signed.

To you I gladly give my pledge.

My love for you takes off bird like from a ledge.

So if at times my words go awry,

Please remember it gets better with each new try.