The Art of Celebration

It seems as if we are all too busy these days and wrapped up in our own worlds and problems. So much so that I believe that the majority of us have lost the art of celebration. This does not mean that your or my life is devoid of any joy or happy moments, just that a certain enjoyment and gusto has been lost.

Think about it, the last time you saw someone you haven’t seen in a long time, what did they say to you and you to them? I am always amazed to see and hear the way people simply greet each other, with gee you look tired, or you've gained weight and even a half-hearted how are you. Where have the “so good to see you, or it was great to catch up with you,” gone? Of course this example is for a simple 5 minute greeting, but the effect is exponential in other areas of our lives.

I know that I am guilty of it myself, wrapped up in my own concerns and worries, rushing from one problem to the next barely recognizing anything worthwhile in my own life. It seems as if we have raised our problems to unseen heights and have begun to simply ignore or barely acknowledge the good and even great things due to our dwelling on the negative in our lives. I for one would like to know how that scale got tipped to such a lopsided equation.

Have I lost my zeal for the things that bring joy, not knowingly? But am I guilty of not acknowledging events of achievement more than likely. That begs the question why? Why are we such negative people? I know that I do get joy from celebrating the good things in life, all I have to do is remember when I was younger playing at the beach. So how can you and I revive this art of celebration? I think that we need to make it part of our routine again and become the child again. We need to learn how to delight in things as before and live a simpler life.

So I encourage you to join with me in bringing back down our troubles and turn our backs on those who say stop being childish. Wake up each morning with an anticipation of adventure and exploration and truly revive the Art of Celebration. Each day from now own I want you and I to actively search for those things to celebrate and deal with troubles as they should be with one quick motion and learn to let it go. Think of your trouble as a balloon and let go of the string and enjoy the sight of it floating away.

Why seniors should have more technology than the youths

Anyone who knows me also knows that I have an Omama, and that Omama is the name that is given to a Grandmother from my cultural background. Now I am sure that I am like everyone else, we are impacted by the ones we love and notice age more on the eldest living generation in our families. For me the last line of defense against the onslaught of time is my Grandmother.

As she has aged over the years her ability to do things has been impacted, including the opportunity to travel distances without the aid of a vehicle driven by someone else. For a short time she lived with me and my wife but after a few new health issues she made the choice to move in with one of my sisters. There were many reasons for this, but one of the main ones were having more people around at all times for her to interact with.

You see, everyone needs community and my Omama had lost that due to her physical limitations and the fact that my wife and I are very busy people going from here to there like a couple of bees. So for her mental health and quality of life alone this was the best choice for her and the benefits were seen almost immediately.

But the biggest change came when she was introduced to Facebook and got a tablet, boy was that huge. All the connection that she had lost with friends or family was immediately restored and easily accessible. She was once again part of the group and distance and time seemed to have no limitations. Now even if she misses a family event, she can still see pictures and comments online and send her best wishes. Technology has truly changed her state of mind in a positive manner having ripple effects in other health areas of her life. I can genuinely say that the internet is making her a happier, healthier person which brings me back to my point that seniors should have more access to technology then our youths.

Anyone who knows an older person and believes they might not have enough interaction with the external world; I encourage you to give this virtual community a try, give them a tablet and watch the changes. You won’t regret it. A big shout out to my sister who had the idea, you have changed her life.

You’ve got to get your priorities straight!

You’ve got to get your priorities straight!

I am sure that each of us has probably heard this or something similar once or twice during our lifetimes. Even if the statement wasn’t directed at you, I am sure that 90% of the population has heard these words. But I wonder how many of us; even those making the statement, really take the time to sit down and do a little self-assessment?

With my new career on the brink of its dawning I am incorporating a couple of awareness exercises into my life to ensure that I am spending my time in the right place. What I realized and discovered was a little un-nerving and I thought I would share it with you to see if I am alone with how off my proiorties are. Now please remember everyone is going to have their own importance levels; what I am most interested in discovering is if you are spending the most time in the place you actually want. That does not mean that we have to have the same items in the same priority order, I just wonder what percentage of your time is spent on the things you THINK are most important and where your time is ACTUALLY spent

First I created a chart of the things in my life I believe are important for me and in the order of their level of importance, see below.

1.       God

2.       Spouse

3.       Family

4.       Work

5.       Community

6.       Country

7.       World

After this list was compiled, I then decide to attribute a percentage out of one hundred on how important each of the 7 points are to me. Here are those results:

1.       God -50%

2.       Spouse -25%

3.       Family -10%

4.       Work -5%

5.       Community -5%

6.       Country -3%

7.       World -2%

It is funny that as I write this blog, I just realized that nowhere on the list did I even consider myself as a priority. How about you, did you think of yourself?

After assigning a percentage to each item I then translated the value into time. Based on sleeping 8 hours a day, my results were as follows on the 16 hours remaining:

1.       God -50% - 8 hours

2.       Spouse -25% - 4 hours

3.       Family -10% -96 minutes

4.       Work -5% - 48 minutes

5.       Community -5% -48 minutes

6.       Country -3% -31 minutes

7.       World -2% -17 minutes

As I discovered and you can see, I don’t have as much time as I think I do. I am sure that most married couples would agree that if they saw or talk to each other even half the time I have assigned (2hours) per day that their marriage would be rock solid. And I am equally sure that all of us can admit that they would like a 48 minute work day.

Okay, so what does this all mean? Well it is going to mean something different for everyone, because we are all unique and have different priorities.  I think that the take away here is self-awareness and the need for deliberate evaluation and action. We have to ensure that we use the time we do have for those things that we find most important. I don’t know about you; but I think I have to shuffle things around to at least try to balance out what is important, so it reflects the amount of time I am spending on them.

Just out of curiosity what percentage of your day was spent on work after doing your chart?

Is texting hurting our friendships?

 

                I see it daily, people staring down at an illuminated screen totally engrossed in the newest message that has been instantaneously delivered. They are totally in the zone; as I like to call it, oblivious of everything around them. To me this is very scary. I have read too many news reports of peopled injured and being killed due to this lack of awareness; but there is something more subtle and troubling happening that I believe needs attention.

I think that texting is killing our friendships! Our friendships are just like everything else, the more accessible it is the more we seem to neglect it and take it for granted. Take water for example, I am sure that we can all agree that my appreciation for it becomes more intense in a desert than when I am swimming in a lake. The same is true for our friendships, if I can connect with you any time I want, than how likely am I to do so?

About a decade ago I remember longing to see a friend or family member simply because phone calls were expensive and they lived far away. It used to be that we would enjoy every moment together and our hugs goodbye seemed so bitter sweet. Now due to technology we can connect whenever and wherever we want.  While I believe that this type of communication can be good; like in my Omama’s (grandmothers) case, because she has a hard time travelling facebook and emails make staying involved with family easier and plays a major role to her psychologically well-being. Texting or messaging can also bring a caviler attitude to some of us who no longer feel the need to connect personally, especially if those friends are following us and can be texted or emailed at any time.

The truth however is that all serious deep conversations and relationships need to involve face time, where body language plays a vital role and higher levels of engagement are required which cannot be found on any social media platform. Let me give you an example of what I mean. I send my wife flowers from time to time and she enjoys them immensely, but even I have noticed that the emotions and care she feels from me deepens if I were to personally show up with them.

While texting and email is great in a pinch, building long term, deep and lasting relationships require our mentally and bodily presence to ensure we don’t take our friends and family for granted. So put down the phone and go see someone you love today.

My friends celebrating Black History Month

Here is a video posted by my friend Chidi Nwanyanwu in celebration of Black History Month. Sounds wonderful to me, make a joyful noise unto the Lord O my Soul.

The Only Gift Worth Giving

Gift

The dictionary defines the word gift as something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.

For many years I have been struggling with the concept of receiving and giving gifts or presents to those who have no, or very little needs. Our commercial and corporate society continue to bombard us each day; more so during the Christmas season, about how now is the time to have what you want. Here is your big chance to pamper yourself and get what you don’t have. The buy now pay later concept is so prevalent that I now hear commercials about taking out loans to be able to afford treating your family right. So I guess the biggest question is that I/we should be asking ourselves when do we, or should we give a gift?

Should we give solely because we have the means and ability, where are the lines and who sets the parameters for giving that gift and how do we ensure that it is appropriate? In my history of gift giving I have seen several simply opened and then put aside. I am sure that the receiver did appreciate it, but believe that at the core of things, a need was not there and certainly not met. On the other hand I can also remember giving gifts that were much needed and much appreciated and the impact of the gift was immediate and evident.

There have also been times when I was on the receiving end of a gift and it had little or no impact on me. This is not to say I did not appreciate the giver or the sentiment, but I simply did not need or require what was given. The core of this issue is that I have more than I need and have had since I can remember. This misconception of having needs is due to a belief in a commonly accepted lie, currently coursing through all of our lives today. That lie is that more is better. We as a society have swallowed this deception a little more each year. It has been so ingrained into us that it is so hard to see. It seems to me that each year the sheer volume of gifts under trees has ballooned, as if the amount of care or love from someone hinged on the quantity given.

I want you to try and remember what the best memories of Christmas past look like to you, what sticks out in your mind? For me it is the laughter of friends and family, the food we shared, the time in the kitchen cooking with my Grandmother who is no longer with us and yes the yearly PJs my mom allowed us boys to open on the Eve of Christmas. But what I remember the most is the love that joins all of those memories together and firmly concretes them in my mind. Christmas was never about the gifts, it was a feeling that was shared and expressed, and about a shared joy that a small baby came to Earth to be the best gift ever.

This event has been hidden over the years with all of the wrapping and bows of all the gifts we have exchanged and for some has even transplanted the true gift we used to give one another, Love. Every year I brace myself for the inevitable announcement of the people who have lost hope and committed suicide. People who have been lost and forgotten, I don’t know about you but I am tired of hearing it and heart sick just thinking about it.

So this year and every year from now, I am making a conscience effort to be more sensitive to actual needs that people have instead of their wants. I want to know people so well, that if I wanted to give them a gift, I would not have to guess what they needed for Christmas. Relationships that are not measured by what is packaged or wrapped up; but ones, that have meaning and care. I want and need ones that emulate the greatest gift ever given to another person, that of pure Love.
 So I urge you today to give; what is needed, Love this year to all and try to do it without buying anything. Because your heart and my heart cannot be measure by what we buy, it can only be measured by that intangible portion, that spirit within that feeling we all have experienced in Christmas past. I repeat the definition again so it may be fresh in your heart and mind and please notice the absence of satisfying a want.

“Something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.”

Here is a great example my brother shared with me after reading my blog. 

Another example of giving love posted by APC.

We can’t afford it!

We can’t afford it!

This used to be a phrase that I heard often when I was growing up, when prudence and planning were common place and common sense. Now some thirty odd years later, my co-worker and I discuss the fact that it is seldom heard. As we sat in the car and he describe how his wife reacted to his suggestion that they should turn down an invitation to an event because they simply could not afford it. With two girls in University and one soon to start I can certainly see his point. His wife however, did not feel as if they could say or email those words in order to decline the invitation. So he left her to her own devices to tell them in some other way that they would not be going.

But that is not my point; he actually said the words and meant it. Restraint when it comes to finances is something the entire nation has definitely lost a grip on. Just this month I read reports that the average family spends 163% of the money they bring in. I know math in high school was hard people, but come on, you and I can both add. This is a huge problem that left unchecked is exponential in nature and destroys families and generations to come. Indulging every whim and want has proven to be a bad plan. The buy now and pay later mentality needs to be put to rest, I mean how can anyone gripe and complain about a government who is only doing what its citizens are doing? This mind frame is permeating every level of society and every age. Credit cards once considered an emergency source of funds are now the normally way that people live.

Just for fun let’s do a little math together. Say we have an imaginary friend named Jim and he makes $2000.00 per month and so does his wife Jill. That’s a combined total of $4000.00 not bad right? Now picture them with a house they didn’t put any money down to buy, a wedding they are still paying for, schooling they still owe, two cars in the driveway and kids on the way. Now it doesn’t seem like that big a number does it? So on average they spend; let just use 150% of their combined income, $6000.00 per month. That is a loss of $2000 per month or $24,000.00 per year, as you can see things get out of hand quickly.

My point is this, why do we always need to newest thing, the leading edge technology, that flat screen TV and why do we feel that we can’t wait until we save for it? Are we so obsessed with what others think of us, that we are forced to keep up with appearances and the Jones? How can someone justify this type of mentality and expect a different result other than debt and eventual bankruptcy? What about retirement, how are you ever going to stop working if you keep spending more than you make? The average working life span is from 25 to 65 that means 40 years. If you therefore spend 150% percent of your income that means by age 55 you have spent 65 years of money, 10 years’ worth of income disappears and there is nothing to show for it. I would also like to point out that this calculation does not consider interest at all.

I humbly suggest that this is not a way to live but a way to imprison you. Having debt and worrying about it, is unhealthy and I know that those reading this don’t need me to tell them about the pressures of life, so why not start to today, make a plan, live life and find financial freedom. Learn how to say “I Can’t Afford It,” and be okay with it.

For those struggling with their finances, one great resource that I have come across is Tom Copland’s Financial Ministries which can be accessed at http://www.biblefinance.org/